Friday, June 29, 2007

You Looking For ME?

I don't suppose it's any secret that I get a kick out of seeing the searches people run and find my site...most of the time. I did find one that disturbed me very much and I have made changes to my wording so that particular phrase won't "find me" anymore.

But in the spirit of answering those who seek, here are some of the phrases and my response to them:

"how to know if transmission in my van is busted": If it won't go forward or jerks violently before going forward and sounds like an egg beater is loose under your floorboards, pony up the bucks cause you're toast.

"Step-kids driving me crazy": They all do it at some point so join the crowd sister. I'm toying with the idea of a blog dedicated to my step-parenting adventures. Surely someone should profit from my trial by fire considerable experience. I'm still sorting out what stuff is kid stuff and what stuff is step-kid stuff, but I think I'm going to live through the experience so maybe someone will be interested in my advice.

"Older stepchildren driving a wedge": Take their balls away, or tell your husband to grow some. Someone has to decide who's in charge and as much as you don't want to hear it, you aren't in the best position to gain control over the situation. 75% of second marriages fail. If you want it to last, you'd better hope you married someone with the intestinal fortitude to overcome "divorce guilt" and be willing to stand his ground with the children.

"guilt thinking about leaving husband": If you've got a kid, you'd better feel guilty. If he's not beating on you, then you have an obligation to make it work. If he isn't willing to work on being a decent person, guess what? Leaving him isn't going to make him be a decent person and you'll have NO control over what he does with your kids during his visits. Don't kid yourself. He is going to get visitation. You do not get to go off and make a new life with a new husband unfettered by the baggage you've created with the old one. Weekly visitation STINKS for everyone involved and anyone who tells you staying together for the kids isn't a good reason to stay together is only telling you what you want to hear or justifying actions they themselves have taken. Responsible parents find a way to get their act together and they SACRIFICE their own wants for the needs of their children. Period. If you don't have kids and you are miserable, admit you made a mistake and get out while you can.

And Finally:

"How to acknowledge step-mother on wedding invitations and program": It's actually very simple and not at at all uncommon in this day and age. You put Bride's parents: dad and step-mom, mom and step-dad, then grooms parents: Dad and step-mom, then mom and step-dad. If someone hasn't re-married, they should be listed individually. You may end up with four couple's names on the invites in addition to the bride and groom, and you may or may not even LIKE the step-parents in question, but take my advice: your wedding is your special day, not an opportunity to grind axes on strained familial relationships. You're smart to ask...there are probably other ways to put them on there, but the important thing is that you DO acknowledge them, and not just in the fine print, unreadable with the naked eye. Weddings are ripe with opportunity to hurt people's feelings. In order to have a peaceful day, do everything you can to make sure you are sensitive to your parent's new partner(s). Mom and Dad love you, but they also love the person they've chosen to marry. Photo shoots and wedding dances and seating arrangements are other area's you should pre-plan very carefully to avoid hurt feelings. I know it can feel like you aren't able to please anyone, but if you make a concerted effort to avoid hurt feelings it will be appreciated by everyone involved. I hope that your family and step-family can be as mature and understanding about your arrangements as you are, if they aren't, take the high road, do what you can and don't worry about the rest.

And yes, these really were word for word google and yahoo searches that directed people to my site, not just another opportunity for me to gripe about my daughter-in-law and her mother ripping my heart out of my chest and smashing it on the ground.


I think I really am going to start that step-parenting blog. I just love giving out unsolicited advice, at least no one can slap me over the internet.


Brandi Ginn said...

Well said my friend!!!

And in about 10 minutes you're going to have an e-mail in your inbox from me...

Brandi Ginn said...

Oh and I forgot...I can't just say the "playhouse" is a storage shed because our HOA also says you can't have any storage sheds...nice.

Sabra said...

I don't know who brandi ginn is, but you can't have a playhouse in your yard??? what??

as for your advice, I hope I never need any of it :p

Kacey said...

I like your unsolicited advice --- just glad that I'm not a step-mom and don't have to deal with the problems you've had. I think yhou have come up with a great idea for a wedding etiquette booklet --- you could sell them in bridal stores. (Call it "The Second Time Around")
I was wondering ---Would you consider doing the Eight Random Facts About Me thing? I'd love to add you to my post --- you would be far more interesting than my grandson, who will not do it anyway. Catch me at