Monday, July 09, 2007

Another Fun Filled Trip to the Library

It's been a while since I blogged a library trip. Here's how today went down:

Step 1, find library books. Gripe at kids until they find that last, stray book that was hiding in plain sight.

Step 2, climb in car that could be used to sear meat.

Step 3, realize I haven't filled out the book club forms correctly, roll down windows and tell kids to start coloring.

Step 4, speed down side roads to keep the breeze coming in. Air movement=good. Stop signs=bad.

Step 5, arrive at library and take kids and forms to information desk to redeem their reading progress for prizes.

Step 6, enforce strict limit of five books because the children, they just want to take one of everything home.

Step 7, shout/whisper at children to maintain the calm, quiet demeanor expected of library patrons.

Step 8, repeat step 7 ad nauseum.

Step 9, hide pool passes earned from reading books because mommy, she has issues with the public pool.

Step 10, witness B recognize his friends and excitedly rush to greet them.

Step 11, witness slightly older boy watch B do this and proceed to make fun of him.

Step 12, stare down older boy and shoot daggers out of my eyes while being grateful that my child, while loud and somewhat overly exuberant, is still innocent enough that he shows excitement over seeing his friends, (and that he didn't notice the older boy mocking him).

Step 13, head for check out desk. Notice new librarian lady and nearly die of shock when I notice the actual SMILE on her face.

Step 14, strike up conversation with nice new librarian lady and engage in small talk.

Step 15, watch smile on new librarian lady's fade as she announces $16 and .75 in fines.

Step 16, explain that I had called to renew books, and brought them back a day early even!

Step 17, watch new librarian lady be replaced by stern librarian lady to sort out renewal mess.

Step 18, repeat step 7 some more since step 13 is taking so long.

Step 19, repeat step 16 for next, even more stern, librarian lady.

Step 20, repeat step 7 some more

Step 21, receive stern lecture from stern library lady that I might check and make sure that I call on or before the due date to renew.

Step 22, explain that while my children and I may look like chaos, I do in fact, keep track of my library due dates and even have a special place for my receipt here, in my purse....see? Right here?

Step 23, exchange blank stare with stern librarian lady.

Step 24, wave to new librarian lady on way to door.

Step 25, Watch dream of having chatty conversation with new librarian lady go up in smoke.

Step 26, Pile bored kids into hot, sweaty car.

Step 27, Bribe them with free hamburgers earned from reading.

Step 28, wonder WHY they call it "fast" food, when in fact it is neither fast, nor food.

Step 29, Listen to kids whine and moan and complain about the unbearable heat and the "wind up my hair" all.the.way.home.

Step 30, listen to kids fight over who carries books in from the car.

Step 31, listen to K scream at her brother because she dropped her hamburger.

Step 32, collapse into heap from the heat stroke and stress and secretly wish the library delivered.


shoeaddict said...

How many kids?
K & B & one other?

I love the step seven because *how* do you whisper and shout at the same time effectively??

momofalltrades said...

My three littler ones. B, K and J. And if you've not had lessons in shout/whispering, you haven't yet lived. Join us in Small Town library each week (or two or so) and you'll get to witness this phenomenon first hand ;O).

Sabra said...

We have the book mobile out by us, but I keep missing the day/time it's out here. The library in the next town over charges us (!) to "lend" books from them, since we are out of the city limits. Grrrr.

At least your kids know that reading is important enough to go through all of that for, right? :p

Kacey said...

Oh, how I love libraries! You are starting the kids on a lifelong love affair with books. So, what if they whisper a little bit lourly once in a while? Keep up the good work. Perhaps you should start a library delivery service --- for a small fee, of course.

Brandi Ginn said...

OMGosh!!! That is the worst!

I SO feel for you. Today we had issues at the Pool. (not your kind of issues ;) Natalie has decided to pee in her pants whenever she gets the chance. Including peeing in her swimsuit while she's sitting on the lounge chair--I'm alerted to this fact when I hear the steady stream of pee hitting the concrete. Horrified, I scold her quietly because we're surrounded by people I'm praying didn't noticed said stream of pee!!!

Brandi Ginn said...

OK Seriously...why is it that lately when I post comments on blogger accounts it won't make my name into a link to my typepad account?

It used to...

Gabriela said...

:) so familiar-trying to get my kids to act decent in public places and then having things take longer than expected. Hard work!!!