Thursday, May 31, 2007


OK, so I know this is sort of morbid, but every so often I read through my hometown obituaries. My Gram does her best to keep me posted on who dies, but it seems I've reached a certain age where it's not just Grams friends and aquaintences that are dying. This activity invariably alerts me to one or two deaths that both surprise me and make me wish I had known soon enough to at least send a card. I'm not a good card sender. Ask anyone on my non-existant Chirstmas card list.

Reading through people's obituaries makes me wonder what people will say about me when I'm gone. Some obits are formal, just the facts and not even all of those. (Face it: People want to know how other people die. "Died at home" doesn't really cut it for me.) Others are as warm and generous as the people who they are about. I wonder which category I'll be in? Having the control issues I do, I can't pretend I'm not tempted to write my own obituary. Then the woman in me takes over and I want compliments and someone else has to GUESS at what I want to hear. Don't lie. We all do it. I'm pretty sure it's programmed into our DNA.

So I'm pretty much OK with someone else writing my obituary, but it has made me evaluate how I'm doing on life. We each leave our mark on the world as we pass through life, but it is up to us what that mark looks like and how long the impression lasts. More than anything, I want my children and family to know I love them and I'll try harder to spend each day erasing the mistakes I've made as I've interacted with them. I hope I can focus more on joy and less on circumstance. I want to be the kind of person that makes people feel better for having interacted with me. I think I've been guilty of letting my woes define me far too often. I've spent too much time wringing my hands over things I can't control and I'm afraid I almost let it change *ME*, the me I know I am, and the me I know I want to be.

I guess it's a good thing I've been given at least one more day.

What about you? How do you think your obituary will go down? Are you living your life in such a way that you will leave a lasting impression, worthy of warm rememberance?

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